Rumors of his death have been greatly exaggerated.

How many times have you watched a TV show and said, "That would NEVER happen in real life!"? I'm talking about shows where circumstances perfectly align to create the most ridiculous scenarios. Here's an example: the characters of a show mistakenly believe that another character has died, and all attempts to find the truth just lead to more and more confusion.

So many incredible details would have to fall into place for this to happen that this couldn't possibly occur in reality. The writers of this program should really reduce their daily crack intake.

But before we organize that intervention, I should mention that the above example was not taken from a hilariously macabre episode of Three's Company. This really happened to my nephew Steven.

Last Thursday, Steve and I were sitting around having a conversation, when his cell phone kept ringing. First it was his Dad, then one of his sisters. He nonchalantly mentioned that many of his siblings and cousins were trying to reach him because... wait for it... they heard he was dead.

To my credit, I managed to not swallow my tongue in shock and used it to ask what the hell he meant by that. He explained that an old friend of my Dad, "Mrs. Jones," heard that Steve had died in his sleep. In a coincidence that could only happen on TV, Mrs. Jones just happens to live on the same block as Steve's paternal grandmother. So, she contacted his grandmother to extend her condolences and get more details.

Understandably, Steve's grandma was very upset by this news, especially since it was coming from a neighbor and not a family member. I can only guess that she got on the phone and called everyone she knew to find if this was true. She couldn't call either me or my sister (Steve's Mom)-- who could have easily dispelled this rumor-- because we had changed our phone numbers a while back and never got around to giving it to her (our bad).

The family that Steve's grandma did get a hold of tried calling Steve on his cell, correctly assuming that a living Steven would answer his phone. But like a perfectly timed plot twist, Steve by this point was on the job, where he has to keep his cell off, and was thus unreachable.

Eventually, Steven gets off work, answers his 30 trillion voicemails and everything ends with a nice freeze-framed sitcom chuckle.

Except that it doesn't. Not yet. Mrs. Jones apparently was very thorough. I stated earlier that she was a friend of my father. Well, they became friends through our old church. So, when Mrs. Jones tried to find out more about Steve's demise, she didn't stop at family. She also called several old church members, some of whom are members of my current church.

By this past Sunday, the rumor had spread throughout my church. If I had gone to services that morning, I could have nipped it in the bud. But of course, my life is now a sitcom, and I skipped church that day. As a result, my sister and I found ourselves hosting a surprise afternoon visit by two well-meaning church members, who wanted to make sure we were "holding up in this time of loss." It would have been awkward if it wasn't so hilarious.

Well, I guess this finally ends this week's TV episode, titled "Steve's Cashed It In... Or Not." Let's hope it's not a two-parter.