Accidentally Stalking TV's Frank

Once upon a time, there was this completely awesome show called Mystery Science Theater 3000.  It was awesome.   (Did I just mention that?  Well, it bears repeating.)  It consisted of a guy and two puppets making fun of really bad movies.  It was the best show.  Ever.

Unfortunately, even fantastically brilliant shows must come to an end, as did this one.  The good news is that several of the original cast members have banded together to create the road show Cinematic Titanic.  The puppets are gone, but the biting wit is still intact.  It is... wait for it... awesome.

So, last weekend CT did a double feature in Elgin, IL, which is a mere hours drive from me.  Kerry and I plunked down a sizable chunk of money, hopped in my car and off we went!  Now, I've never driven to Elgin before, and I've certainly never been to the Elgin Community College (where CT was showing).  Therefore, once my GPS got me to the campus I was a bit lost.

Well, Kerry and I were driving through a parking lot on campus, trying to decide which building was hosting CT, when we approached a lone person walking down the pedestrian way.  Kerry said, "Hey, that guy looks just like TV's Frank."  For those of you who are not MST3k fans, TV's Frank is Frank Conniff, a comedian and writer who played one of the Mad Scientists, appropriately named TV's Frank, on the show.

The guy was wearing all black and had a shock of white hair.  Just like Frank Conniff.  I agreed with Kerry that this guy totally looked like him and wondered to myself if people were dressing in costume for Cinematic Titanic.  No one did at the last CT we attended, but this is October.  Maybe it's a Halloween thing. 

As we flew past the guy, we got a better look at him and realized it truly was Frank Conniff, not some Frank Conniff impersonator.  (Are there Frank Conniff impersonators?  There should be.  They'd be great at MiSTie parties!)  With only a few moments of hesitation, I threw my car in reverse and drove BACKWARDS to catch up to him again.  Kerry then said something like, "Are you really going to go back to him?  What will you say to him?"  I replied, "I don't know... something."  I had no idea what I would say, but I certainly wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to at least blather like an idiot to a famous person.  Call it my life's passion.

I managed to catch up to him without running him over (I'm not the best reverse driver).  Kerry lowered his window, and we immediately yelled, "TV's Frank!!!"  (In retrospect, Kerry mentioned that it would probably have been better to call him by his actual name, but then we decided that he was probably used to being called his character's name, anyway.) 

He was really nice-- saying, "Hi, are you guys here for the show?  Well, thanks for coming!"  We exchanged pleasantries for several more seconds, but I don't remember any of it because my head was buzzing, "You're talking to TV's Frank, and he's acknowledging your existence!  YAY!"  Then we drove off before things got creepy.

Kerry and I were congratulating ourselves on our audacity, when we came upon a construction fence.  Obviously not the way to get to the building we needed.  The only way was to go back.  Past Frank Conniff.  Again.  Remember him?  The guy walking alone in an empty parking lot when he was accosted by two of his stalkers/fans in a car?  Yeah, that guy.

We also still did not know which building we were supposed to attend.  Kerry jokingly said, "Maybe we can ask him for directions."  But we laughed that off because we both knew that approaching him again on that lonely stretch of campus would be too stalkerific.  So I circled around and drove briskly past Mr. Conniff this time, attempting to give off the impression that I was too busy handling my business and ABSOLUTELY NOT FOLLOWING HIM.  We managed to find the correct building without resorting to misdemeanor harassment, and the rest of the evening went well.

After the shows, the artists (Narrators?  Comedians?  Connoisseurs of Bad Movies?) sat at a table for autograph signing.  And believe it or not, FRANK CONNIFF RECOGNIZED US FROM EARLIER!!!  How incredible is that?!  I tried to be all witty by saying that Kerry and I were going to offer him candy to get into our car, but we felt it was too soon in the relationship.

His response?  "Darn, and I was in the mood for candy!"

Best.  Night.  Ever.