Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200.

The American Dream of achieving prosperity through ingenuity and hard work is still alive and well. However, when you combine this with someone who is functionally insane (or maybe just not the sharpest knife in the drawer-- it's sometimes hard to tell the difference), the results are often entertaining. And illegal.

The borderline-criminal act in question occurred back when I worked at a local college. One afternoon I went to the copier room to make use of the machine, but it was already occupied by my coworker, Brian. Whatever I had was not urgent, so I decided to just come back at a later time.

An hour or so went by, and I returned to the copier room, only to find Brian still there making copies. Nothing about our jobs required us to be tied to the copy machine for that long. If that was the case, our employer would make us hand over our shoelaces and all sharp objects at the start of each work day. So, obviously he was working on something personal. And massive. There was a good story behind this marathon usage of the copier. I HAD to know.

I managed to pry Brian off the copier and asked him what in the Sam Hill was he doing. He explained that he had devised a brilliant plan for making extra cash. He had a textbook for one of the classes that the college was offering that semester (I assumed he had taken the class in a previous semester). His plan was to make copies to sell to students that were taking the course. He was so excited about the profit margin of this little venture that he was even contemplating buying textbooks for additional classes and selling copies of them.

There were SO many things wrong with his plan that I sat silently for several seconds deciding what to tackle first. I chose to start small. I pointed out that while most businesses look the other way when their employees make the occasional personal photocopy, they tend to blow a gasket when an employee abuses company resources in order to subsidize his side business. And, in fact, if our company knew that he had just burned through over 80 sheets of paper and no telling how much toner, they would fire him on the spot. And then they would fire the spot.

Next, I introduced Brian to the term "copyright infringement." It was apparently a new concept for him that a book company (not to mention the bookstore and the authors) wouldn't want some Joe Blow from off the street to sell their product without permission. It was understandable that he did not know the exact term for his misdeed. (Actually, it's not understandable, but go with me on this.) However, he should have at least known that his plan wasn't strictly legal. I guess he was too busy counting the big piles of money he thought he was going to make.

Brian was a little disappointed that I had crushed his get-slightly-richer-quick plan. Still, he was grateful that I had stumbled upon him first and not someone with keys to the pink-slip drawer. I was happy to help. It was important to help Brian understand the legal implications of his actions. Plus, it gave me the opportunity to laugh at his attempt at entrepreneurship. Of course, it was mostly about the helping. The laughs were just extra.

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